I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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