she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
