I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
