I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
