It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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