good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I don't think brook has ever known best
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
