The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Are we still banned from the library?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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