he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
