Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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