i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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