before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
