some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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