just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
