That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
