best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
