i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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