were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
