We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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