Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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