Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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