She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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