Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
