it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
