Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
