my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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