I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
