does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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