In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
