Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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