I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
