based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
