She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
