Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
