I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
