she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
