Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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