My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
