***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
