the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
