Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
