he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
