lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
