I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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