just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
