No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
