Im at strip club and am horny
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Blood and glitter go together right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
