jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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