Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
