I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
