walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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