so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
