Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
