I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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