no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
