I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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