Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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