Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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