Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
