you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
