sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
