There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
