ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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