I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
