and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
