life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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